How to Dress (or not to) a la Jessica Simpson

I first want to say that although I'm not too fond of Jessica, I can't deny that she is a gorgeous gorgeous gorgeous gal. Her body is killer! She has goddess-like hair, is naturally pretty, and rocks some amazing curves.


Her weight I do not think is an issue whatsoever (weight never should be unless it's dangerous to your health), what's more important here and what I think is causing the commotion for all this talk about her weight is her choice in wardrobe. I seriously hate hearing jokes about her, even when they are funny, because they're so cruel. A few years ago, post Dukes pre Romo, she was always looking banging and I can only assume she was working with a stylist. HIRE HER AGAIN MISSY.


Looking great is working with your body shape- not against it. It's important to love yourself and your body- it's a gift while we're here. Everyone is supposed to look different. Women and men like bodies that look different and not all the same because there is always something to admire. Small boobs- you can rock low cut styles without looking like a harlot. Big hips- great curves, good for child birth (lol- it's the word on the street anyways), small waist. Big thighs- curvy legs (which a lot of my guy friends love), strength. Regardless of what your body shape is, relish in it! Dress to flatter yourself, not hide it. Sometimes trends won't work for you, but looking chic is always in style.


Ok, back to Jessica. Here are some pics from when I thought she looked fab. I tried to find pictures that are recent or in the current weight category for her.

The good:

Here are some great examples of dresses that flatter Jessica's chest and arms. The last two dresses show the perfect amount of decollage that's sexy and without making Jessica appear heavier than she is. Also, in all three looks the hem of the sleeve falls either straight at her shoulder, at the tip of her shoulder similar to a cap sleeve, or below the largest part of her arm- all three ways help to create a slimmer look.


I love this casual look on her. The skinny jeans in a dark wash really help to slim her down, and the shirts covers both her chest and hits at the right part of her arms.


This body hugging dress looks so fab on her. It shows off all of her curves in a classy and sexy way. The neckline shows off her bust without showing too much and the cap sleeves look great with her arms.



It can't be denied that Jessica has amazing stems, I'm quite jealous. In each of these outfits, she keeps the attention on her legs covering up her upperbody. Look how slim she looks! What weight is she carrying? Here's a great article from Glamour about showing the right amount of skin and what has been "scientifically" deemed sexiest.


Onto the bad for Miss Simpson:

Although these both have great hemlines for her, I think she still looks heavy because it's so busy on the top. With the orange dress it would have been better with out the poufy sleeves or a sleek neckline. For the yellow dress, this would have been great without the detailing on her left (our right) shoulder.



We all know this woman has amazing breasts, you don't have to show us as proof. This look could have been so much better (even with the boobage) if the hemline was a few inches shorter and if she ditched the gladiator heels. Where her shoes hit at her ankles makes the area between them and her dress seem so little, shortening her legs and making her ankles and legs look much larger than they really are. The pink dress is too loud of a print, but not heinous. If either the top or bottom was solid instead of the print, it would have been a better choice. The real culprit here is her hemline, again, a few inches shorter and she would have look awesome.



If something is too tight, it's going to show your flaws and be uncomfortable. Sometimes a size up is all you need. The first dress looks a bit snug, and she should definitely ditch the shoes with the ankle strap. ASAP. With the second dress, if her hemline was a just a bit longer, she would have looked better, but a different style and print would have been better altogether.


Jessica has great curves, but she needs to be mindful of the size of her arms and her breasts- some cuts and styles are definite no-nos. I chose Jessica because she's a great example of fluctuating body weight (again, I tried to use pictures that are in the same category for her), petite, and has amazing curves. I thought the compilation of photos would be great for every body type, there's something to learn about how different clothing choices can affect your body's appearance.Sometimes it's hard to see what looks best on you without comparing your outfits and how you wore them.

Everyone should always be mindful of hemlines regardless of size or height. You never want an item to be at the thickest part of your thighs- it will only make them appear much larger than they are. 2-3 inches above the knee and just below it is universally flattering. Also, ankle straps look bad 90% of the time, choose a shoes with no straps to visually elongate your legs.


Whew, now that I have that off my shoulders, what do you think? Was I too harsh? Do you not agree with anything? What suggestions do you have?