Thursday, September 16, 2010

Wedding Post: Living Together


Do you agree with living with someone before you're married? Is it ok after you have a ring, but before the actual wedding? Or do you think you should wait until after you're married to move in together?

For me, this is the only thing I'm traditional about. I can't wait to live with my Fiance, but that's part of the excitement for me of getting married. Although I'm sure it's hard, I think it will be fun to co-habitate and learn more about each other and think that in 50 years we'll look back on our first year of marriage and living together and have lots of fun tales to share (although they probably won't be funny at the time). Also, statistically it's in my favor to wait.

Check out what I found online here:
-More than eight out of ten couples who live together will break up either before the wedding or afterwards in divorce.
-About 45 percent of those who begin cohabiting, do not marry. Another 5-10 percent continue living together and do not marry.
-Couples who do marry after living together are 50% more likely to divorce than those who did not.
-Only 12 percent of couples who have begun their relationship with cohabitation end up with a marriage lasting 10 years or more.
-A Penn State study reports that even a month’s cohabitation decreases the quality of the couple’s relationship.

Here's arguments about why you should live together:
-It's a marriage "pre-trial", you can see if you and your partner are truly compatible
-It helps you to work out those bumps of learning to live together
-Financially it can save you money instead of paying two rents, utilities etc. you only have to pay one
-If you spend almost every night together anyways, what difference does it make if you live together?
-Studies have shown that although waiting to cohabitate until marriage does increase your likelyhood of a successful marriage, the margin is not that different compared to couples to did cohabitate beforehand. Check out the numbers here, I would write them out for you but there's a lot of different numbers based on engaged or not engaged and men vs women so just read the article.

Obviously, every couple will be different and even if you did everything "by the book" doesn't mean you won't end in divorce or vice versa. I don't look down upon couples who do live together, it's just not for me. I'm not condoning one way or another, just whatever fits you and your partner and your current living situations.

Living with someone is scary, even when it's just a friend. Combining two lifestyles together can be tricky and forging your own style has it's windy roads and bumps. In truth, I'm kind of scared to live with someone in such close vicinity. Granted, I've lived at home my whole life except for 1.8 years.


Here are things that worry me (some of them are gross, so if you're shy turn away!):

1. Sharing a bathroom
I'm sure in time I'll probably start peeing with the door open, but I doubt I'll ever be able to go #2 in front of my Fiance. I've lived with my Mom and Sister forever and still don't do it in front of them.

2. I've never really lived with a guy before
My parents divorced before I had my period and then I always had a separate bathroom from my Dad so menstrual stuff and bras hanging about were never an issue. My Mom has since remarried so that has been an adjustment, but still kind of funny at times. Luckily, the Fiance has three older sisters.

3. Laundry
I don't mind laundry, but I know that there will be things the each of us will see about each other's dirty clothes that we'll have to just get used to.

4. Cooking
Remember how I made it a resolution? I guess my intuition was telling me something! Here's the thing, I CAN cook, I just don't ENJOY it. I will eat what's available if I'm hungry. For example, I've been known to have a bowl of cereal, two spoons of PB, a nectarine, and then pork rinds and call that dinner. My Fiance however is not that easy. He wants something yummy to eat when he's hungry, not just whatever is in the house and he wants a complete meal, not just a random gathering of food.

5. Sharing space
Even living at home nearly my whole life, I've never had to share a room. So I think it will be weird to see all these man clothes in my closet, or combining our furniture until we get our "own". Plus, not living together now gives you a place to go when you A) want to be alone B) you need to get things done (instead of spending all your time with them and neglecting your dirtying room and piling laundry) C) when you don't want to get all pretty and just eat my above random dinner

Here are things I look forward to when living together:

1. Waking up and going to sleep
I'm so excited to wake up everyday next to my one true love. I know that sounds SO corny, but it's the simple truth. Knowing that I have someone to share the bed with each and every night is so comforting, intimate and romantic to me.

2. Eating
Notice I didn't say cooking? Hahahaha. What I mean is I'm excited to learn together (together being the key word here peeps...along with learn too I guess, but focus on the together). We're hoping to have fun quality time together as we try new recipes and build memories of tales such as "Remember that time I mistaked salt for sugar? Or that time we burned the chicken to smitherines and got take out?". We've also talked about taking a cooking class together to master the skills. The Fiance is a pretty good cook so I think he only suggested this idea as a nice way of telling me I better get with the program, but regardless I'm still excited about it.

3. Making a home
I'm exciting to intertwine our two styles together and decorate a place that will be home to us. Bringing qualities of homeyness from each of our family's homes together to create our own place. To finally have a place to store our stuff and finally know who ate the last bowl of my Frosted Flakes.

4. Creating our own family unit
After our wedding day we'll be our own little family. It's kind of sad to separate from the family we have now, no longer live with them or no longer share the same last name. Of course, we'll always be a part of our families and will become "official" parts of each other's families, but we'll also be our own family separate from anyone else. Like a little secret between the two of us that will only be shared by future children.

So, what's your take? Do you currently live with your BF or fiance? How is it going? Did you wait until marriage to move in together? Or did you just wait until you had a ring? 

Also, what things excited you about living together? What were some shockers you had to work through?

**Sidenote: What do you think of this post? I'm thinking of mixing posts similar to this, but labeling it "Relationship Post: Subject" to intertwine with my wedding and upcoming marriage. Subjects like this, finances, family, everyday woes, etc. Just little topics that apply to every relationship married or otherwise. Yay or nay? Let me know your thoughts! I don't want to write posts that no one enjoys.**
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