Emma's Birth Story

Leading up to Emma's birth, we had the option of doing a second c-section or trying for a VBAC (vaginal birth after c-section). My husband and I talked about it and considered the different options and possibilities, then at one of my appointments, Emma was Frank Breech just like Eleanor, so the decision was made! C-section it is for the safest delivery. We felt good about having a second c-section, my first one went really well and was a great experience so our minds were at peace. Then, about a month before Emma's arrival, she flipped! Having a VBAC was an option again, but we were already prepared for a c-section and kept our expected surgery date.

The day before my c-section was a busy day. I had my hair done in the morning and then ran out to my pre-op appointment, ran some last minute errands, did some laundry and cleaning, and took 30 minutes to myself to just relax and zone out watching some TV. We spent some quality time with Ellie, talking to her about the baby, reading books, and playing with her toys. Matt and I then relaxed with some Big Brother and turned down for bed. Around 5am, Ellie came in to sleep with us and it was nice to get some good snuggling with her. I started getting ready around 530 and started my day with a prayer just like before- I prayed for strength, bravery, a good delivery, and a healthy baby. We were all so excited for our new arrival, we couldn't wait to meet her and welcome her to our family.

We dropped Eleanor off with Matt's sister and headed in for our family's big day. I went right up to Labor and Delivery where they monitored both the baby and I. It takes about two hours to prep for surgery, I met the nurses and anesthesiologist who would be in the room with us and then my Dr came by before I'd head to the operating room. Once in the room, they gave me my spinal and the anesthesiologist kept giving me the play by play which I asked him not to do because I wasn't nervous, but knowing everything that was going on and about to happen made me nervous! He kept talking about everything and finally the nurse asked him to stop too, it was really funny and he was so nice. I really liked him a lot and he was good at his job. The spinal pinched this time (last time I didn't even feel it!) and the warm sensation started right away at my feet and came up my body. They had me lay down quickly and let Matt into the room.

Everyone was so friendly and relaxed, we all talked and made jokes. The anesthesiologist started giving me a play by play again so I had to distract him with personal questions- Do you have kids? What are their names? How old are they? How long have you been married? Where did you meet? etc. He was very friendly and said that most people like to know what's going on so he's used to giving them all the details to keep them calm. Not me! Ignorance is bliss, I just want to show up to the hospital and leave with a baby in my arms. Done and done. He was really great at asking me how I was feeling and telling me I was doing a great job.

When they were getting ready to deliver Emma, I felt a bit light headed from all the pressure, but thankfully didn't get sick. When they were delivering her one of the nurses referred to her as a "he" and Matt and I immediately repeated "HE???" then everyone laughed because she had accidentally just slipped. She was indeed a girl! Once Emma was here, the doctor put her over the sheet so I could see her and her gorgeous little face! She had brunette hair just like I had called! For some reason, I just knew she would have dark hair and in all my dreams of her she had dark hair. She was so perfect and I couldn't wait to see her up close!

My heart grew so much and I felt so much happiness. She was finally here! Another sweet girl for our family to love and care for.  When I got to hold her up close and really see her, she was everything! I couldn't stop kissing her and telling her how much I loved her. She was beautiful and perfect and so much more than I could have ever expected. I loved our bonding time in recovery and nursing her for the first time. She latched right away and it was such a special time for us. Matt and I again, couldn't stop staring at her and talking about how happy we were and how we couldn't wait for Eleanor to meet her little sister. It was a perfect day filled with so much love, friends, and family.

Thank you so much for all of your support these past few months during the pregnancy and these last few weeks! It's been an incredible journey to add to our family and I'm happy to share it with my blogging family! I'll be doing a future post about having a second c-section and the differences during surgery and recovery. If you have any specific questions you'd like answered, let me know below!

IPhone Birth Pics

I can't believe it's been a week since our little EB joined our family. I'm still getting the hang of things and it's been wonderful having my husband home with me. I'm dreading getting out of the house by myself with two little munchkins- it takes Ellie like 20 minutes to leave because she wants to do everything herself and takes forever to decide which baby to bring and which accessories the baby might need while out. This last week though has been incredible and doing the mothering thing the second time around is pretty amazing. I'm hoping to have some good posts up soon- what I packed for the hospital, some beauty reviews, our birth story, etc. So please hang in there with me!

Hope you enjoy these pics from my phone in the hospital- there's a few repeats that have been posted to Instagram (Kristen_Lawler), but mostly new ones that I really love and wanted to share.

Our last family pic of 3

Getting ready for baby

When I was wheeled into the bonding area, Matt was absolutely adorable kissing and talking to our Emma

First family pic of 4!

Ellie was pretty excited!

The kissing still hasn't stopped

Nursing is off on the right foot

#milkcoma

I can't get over how tiny she is

Her little face is just precious. I don't see me at all in her, just Matt and Eleanor!


Look at that sweet nose and chunky cheeks!

Thank you so much for all of the sweet comments and support this past week! We are so happy and my heart is so full it's spilling over. I love reading everyone's kind words and love this online community so much! Hope you're having a great day!

Our Newest Bundle of Joy

Introducing Emma Brooke, or as we call her "EB" for short. 

She is beautiful and perfect and so so tiny. 

She was delivered Thursday, August 6 and our lives couldn't be more full. 

Eleanor is obsessed with her and so protective and asks to hold her all the time and gives her a million kisses. 

We are over the moon with happiness!

Hot Dog! Our Disneyland Trip

Last week we took Ellie to Disneyland for a belated birthday celebration. Matt had some vacation days and we took advantage of being able to go during the week when it's a bit slower. We had so much fun and I can't wait to take her again. It was a really relaxing day and we thoroughly enjoyed all the magic!

We didn't get to see every sight or ride every ride or park hop, we just focused on what Ellie wanted to do and the wait times for each ride. She did really good in line, I was pretty surprised and happy! The longest wait was to see Minnie Mouse and we were able to keep her distracted pretty well before entering her home and letting Ellie explore. Minnie and Mickey were the only characters we visited and took pictures with, she's pretty shy sometimes, but liked Minnie. She gave Mickey the evil eye and wouldn't even get near him or give him a high five. Yet, when we were doing our souveneir shopping, all she wanted was a Micky Mouse stuffed doll which she's slept with every night since. Go figure.

She loved the rides - the carousel, It's A Small World, Jungle Cruise, Dumbo, the train, and the Fantasmic Show, I'm not sure which was her favorite though. We were there for only a few hours and left around bedtime, but she had so much fun.We took a million pictures, but I won't bore you with all of them, just like 10 (unedited because I'm pregnant and lazy right now).

We loved watching her face and seeing the magic through her eyes. She absolutely lit up and laughed so much throughout the day. It was a wonderful time and a day I'll never forget! I'm so thankful we were able to on such a beautiful day and spend some extra time with her doing something special before baby sister arrives.

Our Weekend...

This past weekend was so much fun and we got home late Sunday night, I didn’t get to write about it before hitting the sack. I love weekends that are spent with the people who are most important to you. After spending the little free time we get outside of work relaxing and laughing with friends and family, I feel so rejuvenated and ready to take on a new week come Monday morning. This sounds so mushy, but it really makes my heart full to spend time with those I care about and who are a large part of my life and who I am as a person, wife, mother, and friend.

I had to work a few hours Saturday morning and afterwards we ran a few errands and then headed down to Matt’s parents house for the night. We took them out to sushi, they’ve been a few times before, but are still wary of it. We ordered a few different rolls for them to try and they really enjoyed it. The restaurant had a “stream” under the floor that was filled with huge Koi fish and Ellie was obsessed with them.

After a while, she was over it so I took her outside to play and walk around. All of us were to stuffed after eating so much fish and rice, but we still had plenty of room for some DQ Blizzards! Ellie was in heaven eating all of ours and seeing what she liked best. She couldn’t down it fast enough and we were all happy to share. Kids and ice cream- it’s the cutest thing in the world! While there, I ran into a good friend from my previous work position and it was so great to see him. It’s such a small world and I really miss my old team, they were so great to work with. When we got home and put Ellie down from her sugar high, we watched American Sniper, but I of course fell asleep for the last hour of it. I swear, if there’s a movie on, I can’t keep my eyes open to save my life no matter how badly I want to see the film.

Sunday morning, we woke up and headed to the same park we had our wedding pictures taken for some family/maternity pics. My sweet sorority sister Alexa, who took Ellie’s newborn/3month/6month/9month pics met us as our photographer. It was great to see her and catch up about her upcoming wedding. The weather wasn’t ideal in the morning, but with scheduling, it was really hard to find a day that would work with the timing of the sunset (ideal for pictures) so 830 am it was! It was still a great morning, a little overcast and my hair got a bit fuzzy from the moisture in the air, but I think our pictures turned out great. I’ll be sharing more of them in a future post.

After pictures we headed back to Matt’s parents house. We celebrated Father’s Day early because his parents will be on a trip and we won’t get to celebrate with his dad on the actual holiday. So we just relaxed and started on the food. We blew up a kiddie pool for the kids since it would be a hot day and Ellie barely got out of it all day long. She is such a little fish and had so much fun with her cousins.

 

My girlfriends threw me a sprinkle for the new baby. It was a small group and we had so much fun together. It was set up beautifully, we had delicious food, and it was a wonderful time. It was relaxing and fun being able to spend time with each guest over our lunch and play a few games (I Never and Cards Against Humanity- perfect games for the crowd!). I’m so grateful for my circle of friends, we really have been such a rock for each other over the past 10+ years.

After the sprinkle, with a full heart and belly, I headed back to Matt’s parents house to spend some time with everyone before going back home. It was such a great weekend and I’m so thankful for my friends and family and that we are able to get together with them so often.

Motherhood's Surpises

"The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. The mother is something absolutely new" - Rajneesh

Becoming a mother is exhilarating, scary, amazing, and hair pulling crazy. I've played house since I first understood free play and I played it for years. I couldn't wait to have a family of my own, a baby to hold, soccer games to attend, nails to paint, boo boos to be kissed, and cuddles to be had. There's lots of surprises that comes with having a child, body fluid where? How do I...? Is this enough? Did that really just happen? Nothing will surprise you as much as the changes in yourself and lifestyle and the surprises you find about yourself. Here are a few of the many surprises for me. 

- I’m much more laid back than I had expected to be

When I pictured myself as a mother, I figured I’d be neurotic and worry about every little detail. My mother was like that- over protective and worried. It drove me bat $#@! Crazy. It still does because she’s still like that. I didn’t want to be like that, but I thought like mother like daughter right? Wrong! Yes, of course I worry about Ellie, the first few months I was a total worry wart. Now, of course I want to protect her from bad life experiences and I’m detail oriented about her, but not to the extremes. I want to teach her to be resilient, strong, that it’s OK to have emotions and show them. When she falls or gets a black eye (she’s had more than one) I don’t rush over to her right away, I let her decide how bad it is. I put on a strong face when it scares me so I don’t scare her. I'm not completely laid back, but I'm not as crazy strict about every detail either. I've found a nice medium that works for us.

-The value of personal time

The loss of personal/alone time nearly vanishes when you become a mother. It’s one thing I tell expectant mothers to relish in with their last impending months. Sometimes, the only time I’m alone is when using the restroom at work (and no one is in the next stall) and my late night shower. That’s it! Even then I’m still doing “business”. Sometimes, when I have days off, I’ll still take Ellie to daycare for a few hours to keep her in her routine and to get some time for myself. I’ll give myself a pedicure, do house chores that are hard to accomplish with a toddler around, run errands, etc. I love the time I have with her and I really do live in the moment and shower her with attention and affection, but sometimes... it's nice to watch an entire episode of Downton Abbey by myself. In bed. With a bag of hot Cheetos.

-Setting an Example

Even though Ellie is small and doesn’t understand everything we do as her parents, I’m always aware of the example I’m setting for her. To dress appropriately in respect to myself and my husband, to attend church, not to cuss, to be honest/kind/generous/loving, the list goes on and on. I told Matt one day that I wanted to start working out and he was excited for me, and I had to explain that I didn’t actually want to work out. Huh? I wanted to work out to set the example for Ellie to take care of herself and to treat her body well (I’m still working on this as I have worked out 0 times since giving birth). This battle is only going to get harder as she's more aware of my actions and how much of an influence I become to her.

Becoming a parent surprises you, whether or not you think or expect it to. It's not easy and and there's no right or wrong way to do it. Every child is different so what works for one may not work for the other. I pour over parenting books and articles, I talk to tons of parents I admire and I'm always trying to remember and incorporate things I've learned into our everyday life. I love being a mom and the curve balls and surprises it throws at me.

What are some surprises becoming a parent have you had?

Our Weekend

First I want to say thank you so much for all your beautiful comments from Our Birth Story post. I loved hearing from you guys on FB, Instagram, and on the post. I love this community and I'm so happy to have finally shared such a special day with us. I can't believe it took me so long to put it together! 

I had this Saturday off and I was looking forward to it all week! Ellie came down with a pretty nasty cold during the week and I caught it and I've been waiting to sleep in all week. I've been so tired and going to bed early. Poor Ellie hasn't been able to sleep well at night and has been waking up 2-3 times almost every night so Matt and I are crazy tired. We're all better now, Ellie has a runny nose, but her cough is just about gone and she's sleeping through the night again (PTL).

Cardi (on sale now!) // Top // Jeans // Flats (old Steve Madden, similar here)

Saturday morning we slept in to 649am which is still great for us (Matt usually wakes up about 4 and I wake up at 545-6) and we were up and out the door to meet his parents for breakfast. It was so much fun getting out of the house and meeting up with them. We used to live around the corner from them and it was always great to get together all the time. We still see them often, but I miss having them less than a mile from us. We promised that we would meet halfway at least once a month and try new restaurants and cafes. After breakfast, we all went shopping at a local outdoor mall for a few stores before the rain came down.

Floral Top (in store, but found the maternity version online here) // Heart Tunic 

We stopped at Old Navy and they had the cutest stuff for toddlers. Usually I think they have better stuff for toddler boys than girls, but oh my word they have some cute stuff for girls right now. I snagged this adorable heart tunic for Ellie for Valentines day. I also plan on getting her these floral jeans, yellow polka dot jeans, and chambray tunic for spring. I also picked up this top for spring for myself. I bought a large without trying it on because they were out of mediums, but it's a bit too big. I couldn't find it online (except for the maternity version of course) so I'm going to see if I can find it at a different store. I love the color combos and it's so different from anything I own.

When we got home, we went back to pajamas and slippers as soon as we walked in the door. Then Ellie and I both took a nap and it was glorious. Naps are so underrated and I wish I had time to take a nap every weekend.

After nap time, I relaxed some more and finally watched The Holiday (well I had to finish it yesterday) for the first time. It's one of my sister's favorites and I had never seen the whole thing! Isn't that crazy? It was so good though, I really enjoyed it. After that, we had dinner as a family and did some house cleaning. Super exciting Saturday night around these parts.

Sunday morning I stuck with a New Year's resolution and got to it in the kitchen with some crepes for breakfast (while on the topic of resolutions, I also cleaned out the fridge). They turned out great and was really easy to make (I used this recipe). It was a nice change of pace from our usual breakfasts (eggs/spam, pancakes, chorizo). Matt went all out for dinner and baked a turkey and made gravy for the first time. He's a freaking champ and is so awesome. They both turned out delicious, especially the gravy. I'm such a gravy snob because my mom makes the best ever so I'm super judgy of gravy, but his passed the test.

We used the Hershey's Spread with Almond instead of Nutella. It wasn't as delicious as Nutella, but still pretty good. Yes, I realize Nutella is with hazelnut and I thought I bought the hazelnut version of Hershey's, but I guess I didn't. Nutella is easier to spread and is creamier.As a snack last night I had it with some sliced apples and it was bomb. Even still, I think I'll buy the real stuff next time.

Hope you all had a great weekend! I have a fun polish review for tomorrow!

Our Birth Story

This post has been such a long time coming. I've written and re-written several parts and have decided to start off the new year on a post that means so much to me. I'm sorry it's a million years late, I had a beautiful birth experience and decided to finally sit down and finish the post. I initially shared our big day in just pictures that you can read here.The day I became a mother and Matt and I added to our family was so special and I could have written this post a hundred different ways and I still wouldn't be able to fully express in words how our day really was. How much fear, excitement, joy, and love was filled in each moment would be impossible to share. So I did my best and I hope you enjoy it.

Our little bunny had been Frank Breech since our Week 26 appointment and by the end of my pregnancy, I gave up all hope she would flip. I just felt that she had been in that position for too long for her to turn and that by the end she was just too big to even be able to. So a c-section was planned for the end of May on the 29th, just a day before my 39 week mark.

Once I knew a c/s was certain, I did my homework. I wanted to learn as much as I could so I knew what to expect, what questions to ask beforehand, and what options I would have. Thankfully, so many of you reached out to me and I was able to get a lot of one-on-one talk from ladies to prepare for the big day.

The weekend before we had tons of celebrations going on, but I was still able to get everything taken care of that needed to be done. My husband and I deep cleaned our home so it would be nice and pretty for our return, cleaned out our fridge and stocked up on non-perishable food, did all of the laundry, and packed our hospital bags (see what I used here).

The day before our c/s I had my pre-op appointment where I met with my doctor, had tests run to be sure I was ok for surgery, then I ran some last minute errands, and relaxed before Matt came home. Once he got home we hung out for a while and then went out for a nice sushi dinner. I thought I would have anxiety and not be able to sleep, and we were really excited, but somehow we conked out and I slept just fine. I did wake up a few times because I was thirsty, but that was a lost cause since I couldn't drink anything before surgery.

I had set my alarm for 6 am, but woke up at 530 wide awake, excited, and had to force myself to relax in bed until my alarm went off. It was baby day!! In a matter of mere hours I'd have my little girl in my arms to love and kiss for the rest of our lives. I prayed that morning that I would be brave and unafraid, that the procedure wouldn't have any complications, and that all the nurses and doctors had a good nights rest and were ready to rock and roll. Saying I was excited is an understatement.

We took one last bump pic and met Matt's parents at the hospital. It was go time! We checked in, got the IV started (which totally pinched), and the doctors and nurses went over everything with me. There were only a few things I was nervous about, getting my spinal, being nauseous, and the pain after the good meds wore off. I almost lost my cool when the anesthesiologist went over her duties, she was super nice, but her words like "pinch" and "burning" were standing out too much for me, but I just thought to myself "if I lose it now, there's no going back" so I choked back my fear and tears. Once I was packed with fluids, deemed safe for surgery, and was ready for the spinal, I kissed my family and headed into the surgical room for the final steps.

For the spinal, Matt had to wait outside (he used that time to record a sweet message for little Eleanor) and the anesthesiologist walked me through each step as they were happening, it was a little pinch in my back, then instead of a burning sensation I just felt a luke warm feeling enter my body and then warm up my bottom, legs, and feet. I was expecting the burning to start soon so I asked if that was it and she laughed saying no one had ever asked her that before and we were all done. It was a total breeze! Getting my IV was worse! Ok, first fear tackled.

Once the spinal was administered I had to lay down pretty quickly, which my doctor and the nurses helped with, I instantly went numb and they checked me to see what I could feel- which was nothing! Every time they touched me, it tingled- almost tickled even! I remember thinking to myself that this would be easy and I didn't have to be afraid of anything.

At that time, Matt was able to join me in the room and he had me record a message for Ellie too and then stood by my side as the surgery progressed.Within minutes our little girl was delivered and the doctor held her upside down over the curtain so I could see her. She was beautiful. So many thoughts and feelings rushed to the surface, loving someone for so long without even knowing them and the amount of love you feel the minute they arrive is truly overwhelming. I just loved her. Words cannot express enough the moment of happiness in that moment and the moments after. Once I saw her, the nurses took over and got her all cleaned up. Matt went over there to see her and take pictures and was walking me through everything that was happening since I couldn't see her over the c/s curtain. Once she was ready, they held her next to my face and I got to kiss and really see her then. It was amazing.

"My cup runneth over" was in the back of my mind. You already love the baby inside you, but seeing and holding them for the first time is nothing I imagined, the love you feel is so great. I just kept telling her how much I loved her and how happy she made me. I cried a little bit, but I was mostly overjoyed so much that I didn't have time to cry. I wanted to see my child and not have a blurred vision of her through my tears.

Once I was all stitched up they transferred me to a bed and into the recovery room where I nursed Ellie for the full hour. She latched on right away and we had a great experience. It was such a huge moment and the bond we made was beautiful. Matt and I couldn't stop staring at her. We just kept talking about her and how she just belonged with us. Neither of us could remember our lives before her. It's so strange that she had only arrived an hour or so beforehand, but it was as if she had always been a part of us. After an hour, when I could move some toes on my right foot, I was moved into my hospital room.

There, we had our families come and visit and we got to show off Ellie. I couldn't move or feel my legs for several hours and felt no pain in my waist at all. In fact, I really just felt fantastic! I didn't feel like I had just given birth or had major surgery just that day. It was hard not being able to see everything up close that was going on with Ellie, like her first bath, being able to change her, or pick her up since I was stuck to the bed, but Matt was there and took lots of pictures and talked me through everything that he and she was doing.

Once everyone left, I stayed up the entire night just holding her. She is everything I could have imagined and truly made me the happiest I have ever been. All of my dreams came true when she arrived. I'm married to a wonderful man and now we have our own family. I have never felt so fulfilled and blessed in all my life. I cherish those moments I had her all alone to myself.