This post has been such a long time coming. I've written and re-written several parts and have decided to start off the new year on a post that means so much to me. I'm sorry it's a million years late, I had a beautiful birth experience and decided to finally sit down and finish the post. I initially shared our big day in just pictures that you can read
here.The day I became a mother and Matt and I added to our family was so special and I could have written this post a hundred different ways and I still wouldn't be able to fully express in words how our day really was. How much fear, excitement, joy, and love was filled in each moment would be impossible to share. So I did my best and I hope you enjoy it.
Our little bunny had been Frank Breech since our Week 26 appointment and by the end of my pregnancy, I gave up all hope she would flip. I just felt that she had been in that position for too long for her to turn and that by the end she was just too big to even be able to. So a c-section was planned for the end of May on the 29th, just a day before my 39 week mark.
Once I knew a c/s was certain, I did my homework. I wanted to learn as much as I could so I knew what to expect, what questions to ask beforehand, and what options I would have. Thankfully, so many of you reached out to me and I was able to get a lot of one-on-one talk from ladies to prepare for the big day.
The weekend before we had tons of celebrations going on, but I was still able to get everything taken care of that needed to be done. My husband and I deep cleaned our home so it would be nice and pretty for our return, cleaned out our fridge and stocked up on non-perishable food, did all of the laundry, and packed our hospital bags (see what I used
here).
The day before our c/s I had my pre-op appointment where I met with my doctor, had tests run to be sure I was ok for surgery, then I ran some last minute errands, and relaxed before Matt came home. Once he got home we hung out for a while and then went out for a nice sushi dinner. I thought I would have anxiety and not be able to sleep, and we were really excited, but somehow we conked out and I slept just fine. I did wake up a few times because I was thirsty, but that was a lost cause since I couldn't drink anything before surgery.
I had set my alarm for 6 am, but woke up at 530 wide awake, excited, and had to force myself to relax in bed until my alarm went off. It was baby day!! In a matter of mere hours I'd have my little girl in my arms to love and kiss for the rest of our lives. I prayed that morning that I would be brave and unafraid, that the procedure wouldn't have any complications, and that all the nurses and doctors had a good nights rest and were ready to rock and roll. Saying I was excited is an understatement.
We took one last bump pic and met Matt's parents at the hospital. It was go time! We checked in, got the IV started (which totally pinched), and the doctors and nurses went over everything with me. There were only a few things I was nervous about, getting my spinal, being nauseous, and the pain after the good meds wore off. I almost lost my cool when the anesthesiologist went over her duties, she was super nice, but her words like "pinch" and "burning" were standing out too much for me, but I just thought to myself "if I lose it now, there's no going back" so I choked back my fear and tears. Once I was packed with fluids, deemed safe for surgery, and was ready for the spinal, I kissed my family and headed into the surgical room for the final steps.
For the spinal, Matt had to wait outside (he used that time to record a sweet message for little Eleanor) and the anesthesiologist walked me through each step as they were happening, it was a little pinch in my back, then instead of a burning sensation I just felt a luke warm feeling enter my body and then warm up my bottom, legs, and feet. I was expecting the burning to start soon so I asked if that was it and she laughed saying no one had ever asked her that before and we were all done. It was a total breeze! Getting my IV was worse! Ok, first fear tackled.
Once the spinal was administered I had to lay down pretty quickly, which my doctor and the nurses helped with, I instantly went numb and they checked me to see what I could feel- which was nothing! Every time they touched me, it tingled- almost tickled even! I remember thinking to myself that this would be easy and I didn't have to be afraid of anything.
At that time, Matt was able to join me in the room and he had me record a message for Ellie too and then stood by my side as the surgery progressed.Within minutes our little girl was delivered and the doctor held her upside down over the curtain so I could see her. She was beautiful. So many thoughts and feelings rushed to the surface, loving someone for so long without even knowing them and the amount of love you feel the minute they arrive is truly overwhelming. I just loved her. Words cannot express enough the moment of happiness in that moment and the moments after. Once I saw her, the nurses took over and got her all cleaned up. Matt went over there to see her and take pictures and was walking me through everything that was happening since I couldn't see her over the c/s curtain. Once she was ready, they held her next to my face and I got to kiss and really see her then. It was amazing.
"My cup runneth over" was in the back of my mind. You already love the baby inside you, but seeing and holding them for the first time is nothing I imagined, the love you feel is so great. I just kept telling her how much I loved her and how happy she made me. I cried a little bit, but I was mostly overjoyed so much that I didn't have time to cry. I wanted to see my child and not have a blurred vision of her through my tears.
Once I was all stitched up they transferred me to a bed and into the recovery room where I nursed Ellie for the full hour. She latched on right away and we had a great experience. It was such a huge moment and the bond we made was beautiful. Matt and I couldn't stop staring at her. We just kept talking about her and how she just belonged with us. Neither of us could remember our lives before her. It's so strange that she had only arrived an hour or so beforehand, but it was as if she had always been a part of us. After an hour, when I could move some toes on my right foot, I was moved into my hospital room.
There, we had our families come and visit and we got to show off Ellie. I couldn't move or feel my legs for several hours and felt no pain in my waist at all. In fact, I really just felt fantastic! I didn't feel like I had just given birth or had major surgery just that day. It was hard not being able to see everything up close that was going on with Ellie, like her first bath, being able to change her, or pick her up since I was stuck to the bed, but Matt was there and took lots of pictures and talked me through everything that he and she was doing.
Once everyone left, I stayed up the entire night just holding her. She is everything I could have imagined and truly made me the happiest I have ever been. All of my dreams came true when she arrived. I'm married to a wonderful man and now we have our own family. I have never felt so fulfilled and blessed in all my life. I cherish those moments I had her all alone to myself.
